The ramblings of an authentic and alternative mind.
6/1/2023 - Pride Month
It never fails that at the beginning of June, everything changes to rainbows. It's like Black History month or Mental Health Awareness month. We segregrate our knowledge sharing and celebration to that specific month. Or I guess some could say, we celebrate it all year around but highlight it on that month. I would say it was the later if there was more authentic awareness and conversations year around about it all instead of it just being brushed under a rug until the designated month arrived.
Maybe I am just too cynical. It's good that we celebrate these minority aspects that make us individual and humans. It's just hard when there is so much hate and lack of knowledge in the everyday that goes against everything that isn't society's standard of normal.
Then again, what is normal?
Maybe normal was always wrong to begin with and it was just an item created by the largest group of people who talked the loudest?
It's said how history is wrong, it isn't telling the whole truth, so where do you go to compare if your baseline is wrong? Who is right? What if nobody is right. I'd say perhaps the only thing that is "right" is data.
Something generated over and over again to build a pattern.
Anyways - Happy Pride Month. For those who are LGBTQIAS2+ I hope you feel celebrated for the unique humans you are this month.
6/9/2023
Sometimes I don't know if I am splitting or if I am settling or if I'm just tired. I've been married for almost a decade, and together twice as long. There isn't anything wrong with our marriage, and I get everything I want and more, really.
Maybe I'm just tired.
Maybe I didn't want him to change and he did and it improved many things but also turned me away from many things. Because it wasn't just his body that changed, but his mannerisms. He says he used to be quiet, and now he isn't. I used to be that way too. So am I saying it's ok for me to be loud and no one else? That's hypocritical.
I was thinking today how it'd be nice to have a job I really enjoyed doing, not just one that paid pretty ok and I knew how to do it. and then I could go home and make whatever I wanted to have for dinner cause I lived alone and then I could work out when I wanted and just think about myself for once for the past almost 19 years.
Maybe I'm just burnt out on motherhood, partnership and I piled too much shit on my plate the past few months.
I need money to just drop everything and disappear.
Or move.